I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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