The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
