Cold hands, warm shart.
I look better un-naked...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
