He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
