I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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