It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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