I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
