found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
