and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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