with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You made out with two different species that night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
