How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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