Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
