my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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