In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
