Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
