I love black thongs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
