My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
