Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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