I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have post one night stand depression
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
