I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize