i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
