I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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