We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
