Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
