Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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