exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
