my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
