you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
