you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
