it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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