I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
