I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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