think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
