Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
