After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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