May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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