Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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