we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
