Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
