YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
