Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
