I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
