You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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