I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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