I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
