I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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