You smell like a Billy Joel song
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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