mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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