I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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