I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
