she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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