Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
