How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
