I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
