Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
