i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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