ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
