the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
