I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
