you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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