it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
