i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
