i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
