I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
