You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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