i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
